new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
try to milk me bitch
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
