i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
