just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
