we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
