You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
