he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
