how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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