new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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