dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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