She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
