ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I've blown a few things in my day
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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