Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I deserve this hangover.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
