i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sorry about my life...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
