Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
