she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
