it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
