sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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