Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
