I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
