I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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