k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
