I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
