Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
