Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
