don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
