If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
