i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
