just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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