i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
