it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
