She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
