I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
