My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
