hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
