I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
