margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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