What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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