i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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