my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
