That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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