he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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