I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
