Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
