The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
