I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
