I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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