i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This is classic penis vs brain.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
