Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
