I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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