I think I died a long time ago.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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