Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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