I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
