apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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