So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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