I am midnight drunk by noon
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
