How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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