the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
