For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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